At least, that's how I feel now that I've decided to play the role more often. It feels good, being a martyr.
This warm feeling of self-righteousness is no-doubt what drove the Temperance movement to set up a lobby against the demon drink, here in Lancashire of all places. Keen to rid the world of hangovers, the men and women of the Temperance Society - mainly Methodists - took to the streets with a message of purity and abstinence. To their minds, alcohol was the root cause of laziness, crime, avoidance of religious duties and moral degradation. Booze had a lot to answer for in the post-industrial world.
(EDIT: Steve from Beer Nouveau - a brewery on Temperance Street, Manchester, no less - has helpfully shared an article about the current wherabouts of the Temperance movement. Spoiler alert - they're not quietly minding their own business. health.spectator.co.uk)
To tempt booze-loving Lancastrians away from their favourite inns, the society began to take hold of the high-street, remodelling tea houses, corner shops and chemists into Temperance Bars. Branded as the sort of places children could be safe in, these year-round #dryjan temples sold health and vigour in thick, sticky syrups, pushing homeopathic medicines and the goodness of fresh air and cold water to a Northern nation of overworked lower classes. It took decades for the halo to tarnish, and in fact there are vestiges of the movement clinging to our left shoulder still: Vimto was created to compete with American Sarsaparilla, and was still bestowing nondescript "vim" and deliciousness to me in my Nana's kitchen in 1993.
One such last vestige of the Victorian Temperance society is Mr. Fitzpatrick's Temperance Bar in Rawtenstall, East Lancashire. It's quite a famous place, featuring periodically on food and drink programmes as a sort-of historical curiosity. It's the last remaining Temperance bar in the UK, and was owned by the Fitzpatricks until 1980. Now, it's a well-visited hotspot, held up by a strong loyal patronage from the local community. It also has some pretty iconic branding; vintage, but authentically so. Dandelion and Burdock pretenders, take note.
The collective cultural memory of Rawtenstall and all the towns exactly like it in this, my area of the country, is one of damp cobbles, leaking drainpipes, hardware shops, old ladies in long tweed coats, steep lines of terraced houses, endless bus journeys and limited hours of sunlight. I mean, you're not wrong, but you're also a little bit patronising. The North as a cliché exists for a reason, admittedly, but on stepping out into Rawtenstall on a frankly frigid January Saturday, we weren't met by a colliery band or an army of old men in flat caps. Instead, a brand new town centre development (costing upwards of £20 million, according to several hysterical local news stories) commanded our attention. Involving a new bus station, bars, a cinema and even, perhaps inevitably, a microbrewery, it was quiet but undeniable proof that no matter how deep you travel into the valleys of Lancashire, redevelopment is happening everywhere. Yes, the chimneys still loom over us, but now they're sandblasted and Grade II listed.
Turn away from the town centre, and you'll soon come across the Temperance bar. Don't be fooled by its tiny frontage - the owners here will go to overwhelming lengths to accommodate you and your parched throat. Plus, there's more seating hidden upstairs.
You'll be given a full explanation of the menu and offered tastes of everything that interests you. A pair sat beside us had a tabletop full of shot glasses and a distinctly Black Forest herbal aroma. Despite appearances, their poison wasn't Jaegermeister but Sarsaparilla and Root Beer sipped undiluted. Takes all sorts.
Mr Fitzpatrick's OG mixtures have been brewed since 1836 and as far as anyone is willing to reveal, the recipes haven't changed since the family moved to England in 1899. The menu is extensive, with these fabulous Fitzpatrick cordials at the centre of it all. Served hot, cold, fizzy, as an ice-cream sauce or in a float, it's actually hard to miss the booze. They've even got a draft tap, albeit for soda water.
|The table to the right was a group of kids, who drank a milkshake each and argued bitterly about who was allowed to pay the bill.|
As well as a cheap round, you can buy cakes and snacks at the bar. I was led astray by a blackboard and ordered a strawberry jam butty, to which the proprietress exclaimed "Good on yer, lass!" and everybody in the room eyed me jealously while I basked in the glory of an order well made. If there's one thing I love, it's being highly commended for eating. My lunch arrived cut into triangles - perfect. Cynics would call this the commodification and fetishisation of normal, quaintly wholesome activities like eating a jam sandwich. All I know is that I bought a big jar of strawberry jam yesterday so I can live off them at home.
My favourite thing, about Mr Fitzpatrick's is that it's historical without going on about it. You're not sat in a mini apothecary, surrounded by faux artefacts or bombarded with over-the-top vintage decor based on a theme of moustaches and penny farthings. There's a brightly-polished copper hot water dispenser from the old Rawtenstall Astoria Ballroom and authentic bits and bobs here and there. There's no bunting. The sweets are for eating, not display. The toilet is a Victorian-style chain flush at the top of a wonky staircase. It's pleasingly real, charmingly old-fashioned and genuinely fun to be in. And what more does anyone ask of a local?
Although Mr. Fitzpatrick's was once a chain of Temperance bars found across the North West, the Rawtenstall location I visited in this post is the only one that remains. Visit www.mrfitzpatricks.com to find out more.